Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

Hi, my name is Renee, and I am a recovering perfectionist.

Perfectionism is a common trait among many leaders, but it can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can drive people to achieve great things and strive for excellence. On the other hand, it can also lead to anxiety, stress, and burnout.

Always pursuing perfection can stem from a variety of sources, such as childhood experiences, societal pressures including social media, comparison and personal beliefs. For example, a person may have grown up with high expectations from their parents or teachers, leading them to believe anything less than perfection is unacceptable.

In my experience, the relentless pursuit of acceptance and approval as a Black woman in leadership, along with all the aforementioned factors, contributed to my struggle with being perfect. Whenever I failed to achieve a goal, missed a deadline, or delivered a speech with stumbles, I would be excessively critical of myself.

Additionally, I experienced the increased pressure that comes with the phenomenon of Black Excellence. As a society, we often celebrate the achievements of Black individuals who have risen to great heights despite facing systemic barriers. However, for some people like me, this celebration can come with a heavy burden to always perform and exceed expectations.

To overcome perfectionism, I had to first recognize the adverse effects it had on my mental health and well-being. My aspirations for perfection also resulted in being highly judgmental of others which negatively impacted my professional and personal relationships.

As a recovering perfectionist, I have to constantly challenge the beliefs and thought patterns that contribute to perfectionism. This can involve:

• Setting realistic goals to relieve stress and pressure

• Practicing self-compassion which means being kind to yourself and acknowledging that you are only human

• Showing compassion to others can help you build positive and supportive relationships

• Reframing negative self-talk can help you see challenges as opportunities for growth and development not failures

• Avoiding comparison by embracing individuality and your unique journey

Just to be clear, I’m not advocating for lowering our standards; rather, let’s approach this sensibly. Recognizing the reasons behind perfectionism and proactively managing it helps us find a harmonious balance between the pursuit of excellence and the preservation of our mental well-being.

Renee